365

Look back at my journal.
I realise that I haven't written
in almost a year.
One entry,
365 days.

And I hate entries about boys,
but this one was.

The only entry
about a boy,
the only boy
I didn't turn down.
The only one
who turned me down.

Not this...again.
A phone call
that makes me think,
I shouldn't be reading this,
and forces me
to put down
Love in the Time of Cholera,
and instead pick up
One Hundred Years of Solitude.




My life sentence?
It could be.

Stupid Question,

but I have to ask it anyway:

Does the aching ever stop?

Relativism Rules.

(Although you may not think so and therein lies the beauty of it)

If there is objective truth, then why can't people agree on anything? Well, because if there is objective truth (and this is what it would be: not value judgments, but the simple state of things), there is no way we can access it. We cannot know it and know that we know it. If we happen to believe correctly, then there is no means of verification. We are a product of our environment. There is culture, there is perspective, there are different moral codes and structures - each with their own pros and cons. But the pros and cons are subjective - and that is why we disagree. We cannot make an objective value judgment. The very natures of the words 'value and 'judgment' are relative.

Objective truth, as the simple state of things, is free of 'value', free of 'judgment' and dependent only upon its own solidity - not our validation.

To point out that I have my own moral code does not defeat my argument. Relativism does not deny a moral code, simply a universal one. You ask me a question, I can give you my answer, but I can give you only mine. I cannot speak with the voice of the world, or the voice of truth with a capital T; I can only speak with the voice of my own personal perspective.

If there were objective truth, if we could all know it, we would at least have a chance at agreement. but as things stand, we do not. There is not only one right and one wrong in every situation. Even if there were, I would not trust the church to be the judge of it. I see no clearer understanding of morality in Christianity than anywhere else - just more legalism.

And that is why I am a relativist.

The Rabbit Hole

Have you ever felt
that you were
tumbling
down
the
rabbit
hole?

Things couldn't possibly get worse,
and then they do
they do
they do
and then they do some more?

You are Alice,
but you aren't in Wonderland.
Definitely not;
but you wish
that you were.
Wonderland
sounds
nice.

The Madhatter is laughing at you,
and the Cheshire Cat is leering.
The Queen of Hearts wants you dead,
and honestly you wouldn't mind complying.

what the world wants

too much.
not enough.
a chance.
a break.

i break my own heart every day,
along with multiple others.
trust me, i don't need any help
on that front.

i don't know if you knew.
i wish you did.
i guess.

then maybe
you'd look at me differently
in the cold harsh light
of reality.
and i'm sorry
if i avoid you.
all i'm really avoiding
is myself.

it's true.
i'm fucked up
left and right,
down and centre.
and maybe up
but i don't really know
which way that even is.

if you catch my drift.

drifting is what i am.
and drifter is who.
bound to the life
of a gypsy.

it's not anyone.
it's me,
and it's not pretty.

today i compared my life
to a flaming pile.
at least it burns,
my best friend told me.

i kind of wish
it would just explode.

The Fifth Promise

Promise number one,
that I'll tell you before it happens.
Promise number two,
that I'll call
and schedule an appointment.
An appointment for emotional health,
if one can schedule such a thing.
Promise number three,
that I'll keep you in the loop.
Not to worry,
you'll be in the know
in regards
to my mental degradation.
My steady deterioration
into nothing,
or a perverted and skewed
everything.
Promise number four,
that we'll run away together
with the clothes on our backs
and the money and cigarettes
in our pockets.

The fifth and final promise;
to myself:
that I'll get out.
Out of this rut.
Out of here.
I will live.
I will travel.
I will see,
experience,
taste
and love.
And then,
dear friends,
I will die.

Darkness on the Face of the Deep: Alternate Universes

I want to sleep.
Maybe in my dreams I'll have the strength to weep.
In the beginning there was chaos.
And there is now.
And there will always be
chaos.
Chance and probability-
did these make you take your life?
Divine injustice, playing with dice?
Is there a happier you in an alternate universe?
A happier us?
Happiness?
If only I had a space shuttle faster than the speed of light.
I would travel throughout the abyss
to gather all that the multiverse has to offer of you,
to bring you back to earth.
You must be out there somewhere.
Laughing, singing, playing.
I wish voices could stretch across aeons.

In theory, every possible you I could imagine should exist.
Somewhere.
Am I grasping at straws?